


im a crackhead (ay)

by thenuggetwhowrites



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: :), Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, chatfic, crackfic, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 01:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18681748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenuggetwhowrites/pseuds/thenuggetwhowrites
Summary: the avengers crack/chat fic made by me and my buddies abigayle and kaytlin on the bus. :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tony: starkravinghazelslut  
> steve: starspangledwhore  
> natasha: th0tassassin  
> clint: blintcarton  
> bruce: biggreenwhore  
> peter: babyboy  
> thor: hammered  
> bucky: binkybarnes

babyboy created “the aveners” 

babyboy: hi everyone this is our official business chat

blintcarton: aveners

starkravinghazelslut: don’t make fun of my son

th0tassassin: aveners

starspangledwhore: i dont think this chat is a good idea. its going to be very chaotic.

binkybarnes: shut the fuck up whore

starkravinghazelslut: dont you date curse in front of my son.

babyboy: date

blintcarton: date

th0tassassin: date

starkravinghazelslut: shut the HECK up

binkybarnes: i hate you

starspangledwhore: i love you

babyboy: #gay #couplegoals #relationship  
#OTP #istan #cute

starkravinghazelslut: no

starspangledwhore: im married

blintcarton: to betsy ross

babyboy: ???? 

binkybarnes: she made the american flag you dumb shit

starkravinghazelslut: DON’T BULLY MY SON

th0tassassin: fuck you stark

biggreenwhore: just got my fourteenth phd! 😗✌️

binkybarnes: good for you you’re smart

hammered: hello midgardians! what a wonderful idea for this chat to be made! congrats little spider.

blintcarton: (crack?isthatwhatyousmoke.png)

th0tassassin: HA

babyboy: sksksks also THANK YOU MR. THOR SIR

biggreenwhore: :(

starkravinghazelslut: IM PROUD OF YOU BIG GUY

biggreenwhore: the hulk didn’t get a fucking phd did he? 

starkravinghazelslut: im proud of you mr banner

babyboy: mr. bruce someday i hope to be like you! 

biggreenwhore: i love you

binkybarnes: someday i hope to inside you mr. rogers

babyboy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

blintcarton: my hearing aids are OFF

starkravinghazelslut has logged off

starspangledwhore: oh shit!

th0tassassin: language

binkybarnes has logged off

babyboy: how high pitched are mr bucky’s screams?

starspangledwhore: pretty high why

babyboy: im pretty sure mr stark is gonna kill him

th0tassassin: not again

babyboy: im uncomfy 

th0tassassin: its okay child, me too 

blintcarton: not through MY room bitches

blintcarton has logged off

th0tassassin: uh oh

babyboy: is someone gonna die?

starspangledwhore: probably

starspangledwhore has logged off 

babyboy: awh man not again

babyboy has logged off

biggreenwhore: goddamnit 

biggreenwhore has logged off

hammered: what just happened?

hammered has logged off


	2. zoinks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hee hee! ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky isnt dead

starkravinghazelslut has logged on

starkravinghazelslut: now that that’s taken care of

babyboy has logged on

babyboy: is mr bucky sir okay???

starspangledwhore has logged on

starspangledwhore: TONY STARK YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS YOU BILLIONAIRE PHILANTHROPIST BITCHASS

starkravinghazelslut: thank you for reminding me of my accomplishments 

th0tassassin has logged on

th0tassassin: bucky is perfectly fine he’s eating plums and crying

babyboy: are we sure there are no internal injuries 

biggreenwhore has logged on

biggreenwhore: i checked him out. everything looks good. 

binkybarnes has logged on

binkybarnes: the only damage was psychological 

blintcarton has logged on

blintcarton: THEY BROKE MY FUCKING GLASS ANGEL

th0tassassin: loser

blintcarton: LAURA GAVE IT TO ME YOU FUCKWAD

babyboy: dont you have like 1000 of those? laura gives you one every year for your birthday and christmas

starkravinghazelslut: SEE SO ITS NOT THAT BAD

blintcarton: THAT WAS THE FIRST ONE SHE EVER GAVE ME

th0tassassin: shut up

hammered has logged on

hammered: bucky! are you okay? 

binkybarnes: emotionally damaged but whats new 

starspangledwhore: :(

starkravinghazelslut: im not sorry

babyboy: you should be. it wasnt nice mr. stark. you should apologize...

starkravinghazelslut: bucky i am so sorry. i didnt mean it. it was heat of the moment and i let my emotions get the best of me.

binkybarnes: what the fuck

starspangledwhore: oh

binkybarnes: who wants to get FUCKED

babyboy: STOP IT

binkybarnes: ;)

binkybarnes: its steve

binkybarnes: steve wants to get fucked

starspangledwhore: DO YOU WANT TO DIE? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.

binkybarnes: ill tickle your kneecaps;0)

starkravinghazelslut: what the fuck

th0tassassin: what a crazy couple

blintcarton: hey bros uh. can we not talk about sex lila’s reading over my shoulder

babyboy: hi lila!!! 

starkravinghazelslut: you curse in front of my son one more FUCKING time bucky. i will shove your arm down your fucking throat.

binkybarnes has logged off

th0tassassin: oh my GOD bucky

starspangledwhore: when will he learn

starspangledwhore has logged off

th0tassassin: and if you need them they will be in hiding all day.

babyboy: this was supposed to be a fun chat! but nooo... everyone has to threaten to fUcKiNg kill each other. seriously guys what the fuck.

starkravinghazelslut: PETER BENJAMIN FUCKING PARKER DO I NEED TO GET THE SOAP

babyboy: yes

th0tassassin: what a brat

starkravinghazelslut: dont you EVER talk about my child like that or i will kill you and your first born without evening thinking twice. got it bitch?

th0tassassin: i have guns

starkravinghazelslut: and i have a hulk

biggreenwhore: uh? hello? not right now you don’t

babyboy: im so sorry mr stark please don’t hurt mrs natasha spider mom i love her and you please don’t yell

starkravinghazelslut: im so sorry peter i would never do anything to hurt you

blintcarton: bucky and steve have been logged off for too long

th0tassassin: ;)

babyboy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

biggreenwhore: can everyone just calm down? please?

hammered: what is happening ? is there a problem? do i need to help someone? i just heard a scream. 

babyboy has logged off

starkravinghazelslut: he’s probably fucking crying look what you did

th0tassassin: it wasn’t anyone here it was steve and bucky 

starkravinghazelslut has logged off 

th0tassassin: im going to stab tony stark

th0tassassin has logged off

hammered: not again

hammered has logged off

biggreenwhore: oh no

biggreenwhore has logged off

blintcarton has logged off


	3. clementime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoho!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this uh :)
> 
>  
> 
> ;)

binky barnes has logged on 

binkybarnes: hi why is nat screaming

babyboy has logged on

babyboy: hi why were you screaming

starspangledwhore has logged on

starspangledwhore: hi why are you asking personal questions

starkravinghazelslut has logged on

starkravinghazelslut: hi why are you attacking my son

binkybarnes: ill have you know i was screaming because i was making love to steve.

starspangledwhore: wHy do yOu dO tHis?¿

babyboy has removed binkybarnes from the chat.

starkravinghazelslut: thats my boy!

biggreenwhore has logged on

biggreenwhore: what happened?

hammered has logged on 

hammered: i see bucky has been removed for uncalled for behavior. 

blintcarton has logged on

blintcarton: ill have you know my room is RIGHT next to steve’s room and i hate BOTH of you so much

blintcarton: steve tell bucky i hate him

starspangledwhore: :(

babyboy: but why was nat screaming? we know why bucky was screaming, but why nat?

starkravinghazelslut: idk i was doing things

th0tassassin has logged on

th0tassassin: THE THINGS ARE THAT HE TRIED TO KILL ME

blintcarton: do you wanna go stark?

hammered: i will YEET my hammer at you and i stand by that

babyboy: HE SAID YEET

babyboy took a screenshot

babyboy: also please dont kill mr. stark. i kinda like him.

th0tassassin: i am no longer out to kill tony.

blintcarton: i am not either

babyboy: wow okay! great, thanks guys!😁

hammered: why does the young one hold so much power?

biggreenwhore: because we love him

starspangledwhore: we do love him. 

babyboy: THANKS DADS

babyboy: can i add someone?

blintcarton: of course

starspangledwhore : it could be red skull and i wouldn’t care. 

babyboy added whataretHOES

whataretHOES: hello asshats. it is i, your god. how is everyone doing?

starkravinghazelslut: who ?

biggreenwhore: its shuri

hammered: ah, the princess! hello princess shuri. truly you are more of a god than i. 

starspangledwhore: the princess that saved bucky! i owe you my life! thank you for keeping him safe in wakanda. 

starspangledwhore added binkybarnes

binkybarnes: SHURI!!! 

babyboy: bucky i swear on aunt may’s life if you say anything bad again im gonna activate instant kill mode 

starkravinghazelslut: no no no

starkravinghazelslut: ill kill him for you

binkybarnes: well i dont want me or aunt may to die so ill try to keep my mouth shut

babyboy: thats what i thought.

starkravinghazelslut: peter, buddy as much as i love you, you cant hurt a fly.

babyboy: i killed an ant once and cried

th0tassassin: baby

blintcarton: sometimes i find him more precious and innocent than my own young children

starkravinghazelslut: your tiny agents

starspangledwhore: tell lila i said hi

blintcarton: she went home i cant fucking tell her you said hi

starspangledwhore: language

starspangledwhore: please forget i said that i 

th0tassassin: HE DID IT AGAIN! 

babyboy: language!!! 

whataretHOES: hahahahaha

binkybarnes: hi shuri i owe you my whole life can i give you a hug

whataretHOES: im in wakanda? tf 

binkybarnes: im coming

whataretHOES: ill see you soon then.

babyboy: i wanna come! 

binkybarnes: okay. lets meet at the helipad in 5.

babyboy: got it!

binkybarnes has logged off

babyboy has logged off.

starkravinghazelslut: bucky! you cant take my son to Wakanda alone!

starkravinghazelslut has logged off

starspangledwhore: tony not again!

starspangledwhore has logged off

blintcarton: sometimes i feel like a dad everywhere in my life

blintcarton has logged off

th0tassassin: i wanna visit wakanda!

th0tassassin has logged off 

biggreenwhore: uh oh

biggreenwhore has logged off

whataretHOES: oh. okay see yall soon? 

whataretHOES has logged off

hammered: am i alone?

hammered: ah. peace and quiet. 

hammered has logged off


	4. yoted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boonk gang! they leavin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaah

hammered has logged on

hammered: ah hello!

babyboy has logged on

babyboy: hi guys!!

binkybarnes has logged on

binkybarnes: whos excited

starspangledwhore has logged in

starspangledwhore: we’re all next to eachother why are we texting??

iwillpegyouinamericasass: idk, why are we texting? 

th0tassassin has logged on

th0tassassin: what is she doing in this? 

starspangledwhore: shit, i accidentally added one of my side hoes...

iwillpegyouinamericasass: side hoe?!!

starspangledwhore has removed iwillpegyouintheass from the chat

binkybarnes: you’re cheating on me?

starkravinghazelslut has logged on 

starkravinghazelslut: hes a whore. 

whataretHOES has logged on

whataretHOES: a kinky ass whore

babyboy: AAAAAAAHHHHH

blintcarton has logged on

blintcarton: i miss my family theyre not a HOT FUCKING MESS LIKE YOU

starkravinghazelslut: you made peter cry

babyboy: iiimmm okayy

th0tassassin: barton you suck

biggreenwhore has logged on

biggreenwhore: what is happening

starspangledwhore: shouldnt you be driving

binkybarnes: shouldnt you not be fucking girls

starspangledwhore: can we please not do this 

starkravinghazelslut: no please go on

babyboy: no dont

th0tassassin: please do not

blintcarton: you heard the kid

whataretHOES: if you dont shut up i will skin you alive and throw your decaying body in a sewer

starkravinghazelslut: well damn my bad

hammered: wanna hear a pun

th0tassassin: no 

starkravinghazelslut: shut up you lighting motherfuck

babyboy: mr stark sir please stop please mr sir stark sir

starkravinghazelslut:oh im so sorry son 

binkybarnes: can i just say something...

starspangledwhore: yes...

binkybarnes: i kinda wanna get fucked in the ass right about now by a certain someone ;)

babyboy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH

starspangledwhore: if you dont stop harrassing me , ill call the avengers

starkravinghazelslut: we are the avengers

blintcarton: oh we are? i didnt know

th0tassassin: wow i had NO clue

starspangledwhore: well crap

th0tassassin: LANGUAGE

babyboy: LANGUAGE

binkybarnes: :”(

starspangledwhore: :(

babyboy: STOP IT WE’RE ON THE HELICOPTER AND I DONT NEED TO WITNESS YOU TWO FUCKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

th0tassassin: oh!

starkravinghazelslut: good thing i brought soap

starspangledwhore: im allergic to soap

starkravinghazelslut: even better

starspangledwhore: no i’ll actually die

starkravinghazelslut: and????

babyboy: PLEASE STOP, im starting to not feel so good...

starkravinghazelslut: DONT YOU DARE PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT 

th0tassassin: 🤭

babyboy: sorry sir stark mr it had to be done

binkybarnes: hey uh. did you. forget about me

starspangledwhore: STOP bucky i 

whataretHOES: hey what was thor’s pun

hammered: YES!!!

hammered: what did thor do when he went to the club and reached out his hand ?!?!?!

whataretHOES: what

hammered: HE GOT HAMMERED

babyboy: HAHAHAHAHAHA mr thor sir you are HILARIOUS i love you 

starkravinghazelslut: stupid

starspangledwhore: hehe

binkybarnes: funny but uh. steve?

starspangledwhore: shut up bitch

th0tassassin: language

starspangledwhore has logged off

binkybarnes: steve! 

binkybarnes has logged off

th0tassassin: youre all so childish

th0tassassin has logged off 

babyboy: i mean, i am a child 👶🏻 

babyboy has logged off 

starkravinghazelslut has logged off

biggreenwhore: :(

biggreenwhore has logged off

hammered: oh are we nearing wakanda??!!

hammered has logged off

blintcarton: oh. 

blintcarton has logged off

whataretHOES: oh MY GOD

whataretHOES has logged off


End file.
